Masking vulnerability with...

Yesterday I found an old note book (I have loads) it was one from my role as a service team leader for post office tutors ~ I am soliciting for something by stating that not sure what *yet ~ I came to a page where I wrote about masking my vulnerability, I thought it was a good read and wanted to share it.


" I mask my vulnerability with strength, as this is only one outward appearance and not something that reflects what is going on inside. What is within is bound to find it's way out, we all know but may have forgotten that whatever we hide or deny will eventually reveal itself, through situations we find ourselves in or people that come into our lives. 

We have the choice then to deal with our vulnerability by facing it or hiding...however just like a game of hide and seek you will be found or you will have to reveal yourself, both have the same outcome, one just takes longer"
written in 2007/8


I had forgotten about writing this, however not about the feeling of the words written it makes more sense to why I began to choose to step into my vulnerability...rather than mask it. When I shared with someone about me SIMV they told me it was emotional suicide, I was shocked by this term and although it did not resonate with me this ladies words bothered me. I was later to realise that it was because I had learned to put other's wisdom before my own, ignoring my own intuition/gut instinct just because of some ones position, experience, credentials. 


I choose to keep on stepping into my vulnerability (you can read about some of the in this blog http://crystalangelsxxxrandomness.blogspot.com/2011/04/stepping-into-my-vulnerability.html) even going as far as telling someone I had a crush on that I was attracted to them. Each time I was left feeling empowered and free...free of some hidden chain that held me in fear that is there lurking a step before vulnerability. 


Stepping into vulnerability is not about putting yourself in danger, for me it is about making the choice to do something that you are afraid of...like a naked photo shoot...yep done that too...though strangely enough I was not afraid of doing it or declaring your feelings to someone you are attracted to. If they do not reciprocate your feelings, then isn't better to know and you haven't lost anything. Those of you that say "I may loose a good friend" to you I say if they are a good friend you wont loose them, if they go, you are better of without them as they may be the reason why 'THE ONE' hasn't approached you (that's a whole different blog)


If you are considering stepping into your vulnerability as a result of reading this blog contact me for some free advice crystalangel@hotmail.co.uk or message me on facebook


One thing never do it from a place from wanting a response from another do it because you want to do it for you.  


Thank you for reading, I love you 


Claudia xxx


*soliciting worthiness...maybe?

How do I really feel about m....

I have learnt about myself to do with: money ~ if I spend it with fear of not having enough rather than focusing on the joy of the purchase or the bill I am paying (even if it's just a little thought) the Universe will pick up on the strongest vibe that I have going on in that moment and give me more experiences to replicate that vibe. Paying attention to how I really feel about money.

Its a LOVE thing...isn't it

I have to say on this wonderful day where everyone focuses on love, I certainly challenged to remain in it when someone posted a video about Valentines day, I was gonna say propaganda about Valentines day but I decided not to used that term, it's someone's opinion.

I watched it knowing I wouldn't be happy with what I heard, went ahead anyway (can't we be stubborn) It left me feeling bothered to say the least which I think escalated to feeling pissed off ~ for a moment.

I can honestly say my ego kicked in a reared its pretty head; this video challenged my thoughts on Valentines Day. I say this because it made me doubt myself and what I believe, a feeling I know all to well. I did not like the feeling I had and wanted to 'prove' what I believe was ok.

The video reeled off 'fact' after historical 'fact' and of course I found myself being dragged into the fear based spiral of the 'HIStory'. For me it felt as though my faith was being challenged (oh poop, I have been here before) and that I didn't really truly believe in God because I 'celebrate' Valentines day, this meaning I am worshiping other Gods and as for cupid, lets not go there.

Things were quoted from the bible, references where made to stories which were retold to evoke fear, there was not a good feeling anywhere, one of the stories they told about cupid made me want to retaliate with a reminder of the story of how we got here in the first place...if you Adam and Eve it.

Well I think you can tell by my tone I am still a little bothered but not nearly as much, I realise that it was a story, I can choose what the day means to me and stand strong in it. I believe in GOD no one can take that away from me, how I live this is my choice, they can challenge me on it and it is up to me if I let it happen, oh common I am only human it's bound to happen, sheez! The energy of it and its effect lessen every time :o)

Today is about love first and foremost, it is the only day everyone in the world focuses on LOVE, whether they are in it or not, whether they believe it is a commercial ploy or not, do you know what that energy would look like, what it really feels like, WHOA can you feel it.

LOVE has the power to heal Jesus knew this; he focused on the love in a person which is why he could heal.  Let’s remember LOVE and not get dragged into the theories that distract us to focus on fear, hate and worry instead. LOVE feels better, however it's your choice...it's good to choose.

Happy Love Day xxx