I have many fears and insecurities that are surfacing right now, more than I ever thought I had...2012 has been the year for it...for me anyway. There has been a lot for me to unlearn, sometimes I can feel things lurking just beneath the surface swimming around within me, like a predator waiting to consume all the goodness in my life as if left unacknowledge or held just beneath the surface it feels like it has more power over me even though my light cannot be diminished by its darkness. Often I can name them other times I cannot and I am left feeling confused. I am so very grateful for all the people that have shown up in my life...the ones that truly see me from wherever they stand and call me into a greater KNOWING of myself...a remembering of all the things that lurk beneath are not me, I am merely the observer of them. Thank you for guiding me on my journey assisting me in everything the good the bad and the ugly...actually that is the good the gooder and the goodest, cause its all good even if it may feels crappy at times. I love you all ♥ Thank you for listening(reading) xxx
Monday, 12 November 2012
There is much more in my life that is good, than not good. There is much more that is joy-full than joy-less, there is so much more love than fear, there is much much more connection and energy flow than separation and invisible barriers. More pleasure than pain, I am more eager than reluctant. I am choosing my focus, this wonderful life begins with me, it's my world, my choice...Today I AM choosing to love it...all :D xxx
Sunday, 12 August 2012
It was an instant decision that felt like the next logical step. It felt like I was being swept along on the crest of a wave. As I began looking at the application that I needed to fill out, I got to my first self created hurdle. It asked me for my address and as I am currently house-sitting, not really knowing where I will go once it finishes, it felt like this hurdle was as high as a brick wall.
I could feel myself backing out and backing away from this new step...a step out of my comfort zone. So I asked God/Universe/Source...just out loud, that if I was meant to apply then let the solution come to me. I went off and did other things and then it came to me just to explain my situation and put in an address any...so I used my dads address in Antigua which is where I will be from October.
I created a few other hurdles which I manoeuvred myself around which at times felt like I could just decide not to go ahead with the application. As a result of this whole experience I realise that my Saboteur was kicking in big. It came back for another go after I completed the application too, as I then began comparing my art to last years 13 women and deeming it not good enough, not intricate enough...just not enough. So I reminded myself that my art is unique, it is not just about what you see, it's about what you feel. What if a blind person was walking past one of my pieces then suddenly stopped and said "beautiful...I can so feel that" and then gave me fabulous feed back...that would be so fantastic. I so feel that happening.
I have digressed a little but I am back on it now the application is in and not a last min jobby which has been my way in the past, submitted it nice and early. Yes thoughts still arise however I somehow feel empowered to address them appropriately. Interestingly my good friend Karen has called me and wants to test her newly created Archetype 'module' which incorporates Abraham Hicks Law of Attraction stuff. It will work with the Saboteur, Prostitute, Child and Victim. I have had the feeling of low self esteem come up recently as I guess I have remnants of it lurking in my corners and was wondering how I could work though it and with whom and this too will be looked in my session with Karen, she mentioned it without even asking...I was so happy and not at all surprised. Lets go I am ready
Watch this space for updates
Thank you for reading
I love you